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Sunday, August 3, 2014

Flirting 101

Since discovering my expertise on all subjects related to dating I thought flirting would be an appropriate topic for my next insightful tidbit.

A few weeks ago I spent the weekend with a group of friends and one night my roommate Nicole and I were up until 4:30am and we talked about all sorts of things. One of those things was flirting and how we are so good at it. At one point we were both hanging upside down off our beds....and I wonder why I'm not married... ;)

To begin our discussion I'd like to start off with the most obvious and successful flirting technique. "The Wink". You know that thing where you close one eye while simultaneously keep the other eye open (and preferably aimed at the fellow you're trying to woo). It's simple but effective. In all my studies I've never seen "The Wink" fail.

Practice your Wink in the mirror a few times, try it out. You need to be sure you don't look like you got something stuck in your eye. It needs to be a smooth/natural reaction. For our advanced readers, feel free to incorporate a little head nod into that wink of yours, but remember it needs to be a slight head nod, none of that over confident head bobbing. Another important aspect of the head nod is that your chin be directed in an upwards motion. If you bob your head downwards while winking you'll just look like you have a twitch.
Before you use "the Wink" decide which is your dominate eye. People claim if you wink with your right eye it means you like someone, but if you wink with your left eye it means you hate my dominate eye is my left so in my case I'll have to be sure to explain that I don't really hate them. If you wink with both eyes, that's called blinking.

The next technique I wish to share is "The Laugh". I've heard many versions of laughter, some more pleasant than others. There is a very fine line between fun/cute laughter and awful/rip your ears off laughter.
Not all laughs are created equal and would you believe there is more than one way for a single person to laugh? Let me enlighten you.

There's the, polite laugh. A soft chuckle indicating you were slightly amused by passing conversation. This usually happens around acquaintances or when you don't quite hear what someone says so you just nod and chuckle.

The nervous laugh. Usually this is accompanied by a sheen of sweat over one's brow. It can also involve hand sweat and/or fidigity digits. We
-->subconsciously laugh in times of stress or anxiety. It's usually a forced awkward laugh. Just take a deep breath and keep holding it...

The guffaw. A loud burst of laughter that's boisterous in nature and usually calls a lot of attention onto the guaffaw-er. 

The giggle. This is the typical laughter used by flirtatious women. It's lighter and softer than a regular laugh. It's meant to be dainty and sometimes the hands are used to cover ones mouth when giggling. Guys do not giggle. 

Things to avoid while laughing- snorting, being too over the top, drooling, falling to the ground, laughing so hard you stop breathing and begin to turn blue.

In conclusion, when it comes to laughter and flirting, keep it light. Don't over laugh, nobody likes an over-laugher. Again if you're an advanced flirter you might be able to get away with a slight shoulder brush mid-laugh. If this doesn't feel natural to you, don't force it. We can't all be so smooth and you don't want to look foolish.

The last topic I'm going to talk about is pick-up lines. Now if your name is Ryan Gosling all you need to do is say "Hey Girl" and you're good to go. For the rest of the world you have to work a little harder at this.

Cheesy pick-up lines: "I seem to have lost my phone number. Can I have yours?", "Hey, don't frown. You never know who could be falling in love with your smile.", "Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?"

Cringe worthy pick up lines: "I don't have a library card, but do you mind if I check you out?", "Are you a parking ticket? 'Cause you've got fine written all over you.", "Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see!", "If you were a booger I'd pick you first."

Funny pick up lines: "Is your name Wi-fi? Because I'm really feeling a connection.", "Does your skin feel burnt? Because I think you must have just fallen down from heaven, and re-entry would have caused some problems for you.", "Is your face from McDonalds? Because I'm lovin' it."

Topical pick up lines: "Did you invent the airplane? Cause you seem Wright for me.", "Is your name Google? Because you have everything I've been searching for.", "You must be my horcrux, because you complete me.", "Are you a dementor? Because you just took my breath away."

Find a few pick-up lines that suit you. Write them down somewhere so you'll remember them. Again I always suggest practicing in the mirror. 
Don't overuse the pick-up lines because that's just desperate but four-six is a good range to be in. Once you've successfully used a pick-up line use your new-found winking and flirting skills to #getthathusband! That should be a game show or something. 

Nobody can deny the obvious instant connection that comes from sharing a wink or a laugh. Use your powers of flirting for good. Go forth and prosper.


Nicole said...

thanks for the advice. i can't wait to try it out.


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